This post is meant for those users of the internet who can have a healthy discussion about sex and the corners of the internet where it is found and not be tempted to visit illegal websites which perpetuate the abuse of women and young children. This post is intended for an audience of 18 years and older.
We’ve spoken a bit about how much money the average person spends on sexual entertainment. This question was answered for the former Competitions Commissioner Shan Ramburuth in the media this past weekend. I don’t see anything wrong with a man visiting internet sex sites; my problem is when it is our (taxpayers) money which funds his orgasms and also, I think spending R 120 000 within three months for visiting sex sites is a little excessive.
Let’s take a minute to appreciate the intrusion of the internet and technology on our sex lives. For some, virtual sex is a snob gig which yields no tangible results while for others, it’s just ridiculous. For many, it’s a whole new world of sexual pleasures.
We can expand on the definition of virtual sex but for this post, I’m referring to what an acquaintance would call “sex with someone at a remote location”. Virtual sex includes telephone sex, text erotica and video shagging. Basically, it’s the kind of sex where participants tell and show each other sexy things to the point of orgasm; there is no physical contact between the participants whatsoever. (Thinking about “sex with someone at a remote location” as a definition for virtual sex, if two lovers have a sexy video chat on their laptops while sitting in the same room, is this not virtual sex?)
Anyway, I think virtual sex has exposed some of us for the cowards and perhaps, loose lovers that we really are. For one, virtual sex often comes with no strings attached. For people with a commitment phobia, what better way to enjoy guilt-free sex without an emotional connection than to remove the physical bond, log on, blow off some steam, log off and get back to your uncomplicated life.
Some women, and men, know that they will never have a night of passion with Idris Elba but, if they go online, they can choose an Idris Elba lookalike, switch on their imagination and make sexy virtual love to the man of their dreams. There is a man out there who knows that two women will never just throw themselves at him in a restaurant and give him a meal he will never forget. However, that sort of sexual fantasy is available without much negotiation online.
But, where do we draw the line between virtual sex as a healthy pastime or fun way for couples and singles to spice up their sex lives and virtual sex as the only means for sexual satisfaction, or worse, the foreplay to evil, illegal sexual acts? I’m no shrink but I say virtual sex can’t be one’s only hustle. And, I can’t stress this enough, spending R 120 000 on online sex is a sure sign that you need to speak to a qualified and experienced professional about why you are ‘the gift that keeps on giving’.
Slowly, we are able to detach ourselves from the responsibility of being active in the physical maintenance of our relationships. It’s acceptable to say: “I haven’t seen him in two weeks but we talk everyday on the phone.” Soon, the response to “How’s your sex life?” will be: “It’s great, I’m getting banged on Skype every night!” That’s not my idea of a good time but we travel so much and we are so busy, what if one day soon, we will only have 15 minutes a week to log in, text below-the-waist messages to each other, explode and get back to work. I don’t want that life, I want to be there when the lights go on and the clothes go off. I think, and my word is not the gospel here, virtual sex should be the occasional dessert that is part of a healthy diet of regular live sex; we shouldn’t only virtually shag each other’s brains out.