gaming

THE THING WITH JOKES

If I need to explain this, maybe you are not old enough to be following the blog. ;) – image - vunzooke.com

If this needs to be explained to you, maybe you shouldn’t be here. – image – vunzooke.com

I’ll be honest and be the first to say that I will laugh at almost anything. I’m silly like that. And what’s worse, I’m the type of person who will milk a good joke until it’s dry and then I will put it to rest only to raise it from the dead a few weeks later. I’m not very picky either. I laugh at myself too.

I’ll take a good religious joke any day. Lately, I have particularly enjoyed jokes about our president and King Dalindyebo. I love demotivationals. I’m a sucker for the Zulu special my mother loves to tell. Sipho sees a snake in the garden and almost collapses in fear and shock. His boss says: “Don’t worry, Sipho. It’s only a snake.” Sipho screams: “No boss, ayisineki, iza ngqo.” I die every time.

Indeed it was. – image - funnymail.co.za

Indeed it was. – image – funnymail.co.za

I draw the line at HIV and rape jokes. It’s this little preference that makes me a hypocrite. What makes it okay for me to not want to hear jokes about topics dear to me when I laugh like I’m getting paid at things close to other people’s hearts? Nothing makes it okay. It’s just that…er…mh…you see…when you hear something funny, you don’t have a few seconds to dissect the content and decide if it would be appropriate to laugh, especially with those punchline that come out of nowhere. It’s human nature to immediately burst out in laughter when someone throws a good joke around, or is it? (*wonders what studies show.) And let’s be frank here, sometimes the bad jokes are killer.

Well… - image - funny-pictures.feedio.net

Well… – image – funny-pictures.feedio.net

Maybe one must try to remember the three ‘W’s’ before launching into comic banter; who, when and where. The thing with jokes is that they are only funny depending on 1. who you tell them to, 2. when you tell them and perhaps most importantly, 3. where you tell them. One certainly does not expect one’s preacher to break off into a ‘Little Johnny’ joke during the Sunday service. The president of a country can’t joke about poverty during a strike for jobs and writers for a popular men’s magazine should, most certainly, not joke about corrective rape on social networks.

… - image - epicdemotivational.com

… – image – epicdemotivational.com

To add a twist to things, I suppose I could add another ‘W’ nje for control. ‘W’ for ‘what’; what kind of impression do your jokes make about you? If you are trying to pick up a girl; making jokes about your ex, and women in general, is not the future. Telling vulgar jokes during a crucial board meeting might not be what your ‘Operation: Get That Promotion’ needs. However, telling explicit sex jokes with your partner might just be the tension-reliever your dull sex life needs. I hardly think that it’s okay to break the ice with a Muslim joke if you are looking for a job at a shop owned by people who have a sign which reads: “Closed for Mosque on Fridays between 12pm – 2pm”.

To play it safe, I think we should keep the four ‘W’s’ in our thoughts before we blurt out something that could cost us our friends, our reputations, jobs or worse, our friends and family.

ALSO READ – ARE YOU SPEWING HATE ON SOCIAL MEDIA?

DEAR TYPO

…and share with their friends. - image - weknowmemes.com

…and share with their friends. – image – weknowmemes.com

My very first open letter and it’s to you, Typo. I thought I’d never write an open letter until I had something really profound and important to say. Like a virgin, I had it all worked out in my mind that my first open letter would be something truly special, not the conventional complaint-packed variety. But here I am writing a letter to you.

Though you are a product of my own doing, I must tell you: “Tjo, uyang’khipha ebantwini shame!” Okay, sometimes I type too fast and I send without double-checking but really, must I be the butt of so many jokes because you were spotted?

Typo, the last time you cropped up on my timeline, I trended on Twitter! Surely you remember that day. Does ‘Triple HHH’ ring any bells? I thought so.

Need I say more… - image – twitter.com

Need I say more… – image – twitter.com

Like I said, I know that you are the product of my carelessness but nawe you come through offside. My friend was just saying that as he was wrapping up an important letter the other day, you showed up. The intention was to end the letter respectfully with a heartfelt ‘Regards’ but when you got into the mix of things, the result was ‘Retards’. I wonder if the person who read that letter cared to note that ‘t’ is above ‘g’ on the keyboard.

‘Spelling Nazis’ are everywhere but they are available in greater concentration on Twitter. – image – motifake.com

‘Spelling Nazis’ are everywhere but they are available in greater concentration on Twitter. – image – motifake.com

Anyway, I don’t have much time. I need to get busy checking my other work to make sure that you won’t make a guest appearance there.

Typo, I just wanted to ask you to ease up and take a seat. I’ll do what I can to keep you away from the public eye. I’ll be thorough when I proof and edit my work. I’ll read my posts twice before I click ‘send’. I’ll do all that but, I need your help: you need to lay low and let me do my thing. Please.

Regards

Ntk

P.S. I have checked this post to make sure we’re good but if you rock up here, well, imagine the irony…

WINTER WARMER PARTY – WHAT WENT DOWN

A Street Knight, in the white armor of his car, took me to BAR9 for a night of partying I will never forget! We missed a turn and ended up at the one place where lost vehicles end up: a petrol station. When the petrol attendant responded to our request for directions, we knew we were in for the mother of all parties. He said: “Hawu, kanti what’s happening at BAR9 this Friday? So many people have been asking for directions.” That’s exactly what a partygoer wants to hear; “so many people”.

ww les, thato and lee

Indeed, many people did come out to party on that mild winter night and they came with donations. The event organisers, Lerato Moagi (right) and Lesego Mokoena (left) were all over BAR9 making sure everyone was having a good time. The master of ceremonies was Thato Molamu (center), ‘Nicholas’ in Generations. He joined fellow World Changers Arts Inn Me and Cuebur Music in making the Winter Warmer Party for Charity a huge success.

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Jonny Joburg (extreme right) is no stranger to hypnotising the audience and the Winter Warmer Party for Charity was no different. He is seen here with his crew. – image – A Blog Like No Other

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Dennis Lefa Halo did his m’rapper thing like his life depended on it. – image – facebook.com

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Bassie is a beauty with a voice to match! Her soulful mix of gospel, jazz, traditional African sounds and catchy lyrics had the crowd singing along to her hit ‘Khumbul’ekhaya’. – image – facebook.com

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Bassie (right) and dance music artist Charlene Lai looked divine at the party in BAR9 in Midrand this past Friday. – image – A Blog Like No Other

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Charlene Lai’s music is bold and vibrant, just like her. – image – A Blog Like No Other

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DJ Xee is a man of many homes and his favourite addresses include Lapeng in Protea North and Big Mama’s Lounge in Mapetla. – image – facebook.com

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Dj Xee and Dj Lady Lisa hanging out before their sets at BAR9. – image – A Blog Like No Other

World Changers still needs your help to sort and distribute the donations.

On Saturday 8 June, World Changers will meet in Rockville, Soweto to sort the donations. A week later on 15 June, donations will be distributed in Soweto. Donations will be delivered in Ivory Park, near Tembisa on 22 June. World Changers can’t do all this work alone and they need people to lend a hand on any of these Saturdays. For more details, the World Changers are on Twitter and Facebook. You can also email worldchangers017@gmail.com

SHIRLEY BROWN DIDN’T TELL THE WHOLE STORY ABOUT BARBARA

Ladies, I want us to discuss that Shirley Brown, ‘Woman-to-Woman’ phone call for a little bit.

So, you went through his pants and found this phone number on a piece of paper in one of his pockets. Or maybe, he passed out and you seized the opportunity to go through his phone. Now you are stuck with Barbara’s phone number, a broken heart and anger for days. What next?

Well, ‘Sis Dolly’ can tell you what to do. I’m here to offer you what not to do. I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, in the song, Shirley Brown is the only one who does the talking. For many years this song led many to believe that ‘Barbara’ is just sitting quietly on the other end listening to Shirley go on and on about what she’s bought this man and “how much she will do to keep him”. Brandy and Monica didn’t help things either with that ‘The Boy is Mine’ track.

Just enjoy the music by Brandy and Monica but, don’t make that call. Never call the other woman! – image - thefader.com

Just enjoy the music by Brandy and Monica but, don’t make that call. Never call the other woman! – image – thefader.com

In 2013, ‘Barbara’ doesn’t have time for that and she will let you know. The best advice I can give you is this; DO NOT CALL THAT NUMBER! The thing is, speaking to ‘Barbara’ won’t change the possibility that your man is seeking pleasure elsewhere. There is something in your relationship that you and your man need to talk about and find a way to resolve before you infect each other with all manner of diseases.

Calling ‘Barbara’ will achieve little if anything at all. Few women have left a man simply because they got a call from another woman telling them to do so.

Sometimes ‘Barbara’ thinks she’s wifey. When you call her, her first thought is: “Thabo has gone and brought his mistress into this.” Next thing you know, the two of you are telling each other what Thabo has done to show his loyalty to each of you. “He proposed last week.” “I met his mother.” Oh, the silliness!

Shirley Brown doesn’t give ‘Barbara’ a chance to talk in the song ‘Woman to Woman’. – image - soul11music.blogspot.com

Shirley Brown doesn’t give ‘Barbara’ a chance to talk in the song ‘Woman to Woman’. – image – soul11music.blogspot.com

Also, what if Shirley got it wrong? Let’s think about this for a second. What if the phone number that Shirley Brown found in her man’s pants was the number for the girl whose car he’s fixing? I say that because I’ve had a mechanic’s woman call me to tell me to stay away from her man . When you tell a woman that she has the wrong end of the stick, she flares up even more. I explained to her that it would be very hard for me to stay away from her man seeing as he had my car and still needed to fix the gearbox mounting on it.

‘Barbara’ could also be a man-eater who really couldn’t care less that Thabo is married as long as he is paying her rent and bills, she’s cool. The fact that you have been Thabo’s girlfriend or wife for the past six years just won’t move her. She’s not in it for anyone’s emotions, not hers, not Thabo’s and definitely not yours.

Sometimes ‘Barbara’ is only too happy to hear about your insecurities, and your outburst will entertain her and her friends for days. Sad, brutal but it’s been done.

Lastly, these days there’s also a little thing called the law. If you keep calling ‘Barbara’, she has every right to report you for harrassment. Remember that harrassment law that came into effect a few weeks ago on Freedom Day? Well, that law says ‘Barbara’ can report you and if you persist, you will pay a fine or be jailed.

I wish I could offer you words to make you feel better and give you faith in your relationship after your unpleasant discovery. It’s not easy coming to terms with the idea that your lover might have eyes for another. Believe this though, what you need to hear won’t come from me or ‘Barbara’, you need to sit down and have a word with Thabo.

THE BLOG’S FAVOURITE QUOTES

 

Soccer

I grew up in a house full of men who love Kaizer Chiefs above all else, it was inevitable that Kaizer Chiefs would become my love and eventually inspire my ink.

I grew up in a house full of men who love Kaizer Chiefs above all else, it was inevitable that Kaizer Chiefs would become my love and eventually inspire my ink.

“Some people think football (soccer) is a matter of life and death. I don’t like that attitude. I can assure them it is much more serious than that. ”

Bill Shankly

“I am not a perfectionist, but I like to feel that things are done well. More important than that, I feel an endless need to learn, to improve, to evolve, not only to please the coach and the fans, but also to feel satisfied with myself. It is my conviction that here are no limits to learning, and that it can never stop, no matter what our age.”

Cristiano Ronaldo

“As I get older, the tyranny that football exerts over my life, and therefore over the lives of people around me, is less reasonable and less attractive. Family and friends know, after long years of wearying experience, that the fixture list always has the last word in any arrangement; they understand, or at least accept, that christenings or weddings or any gatherings, which in other families would take unquestioned precedence, can only be plotted after consultation. So football is regarded as a given disability that has to be worked around. If I were wheelchair-bound, nobody close to me would organise anything in a top-floor flat, so why would they plan anything for a winter Saturday afternoon.”

Nick Hornby

Writing

Oscar Fingal O'Flahertie Wills Wilde, my favourite writer of all time. Imprisoned for homosexual tendencies, he later died of meningitis on 30 November 1900. On the anniversary of his death in 2011, his tomb was cleaned and now has a glass enclosure because visitors used to leave lipstick stains on it when paying their respects to this incredible writer. A visit to his tomb is also on my Bucket List. – image - abcnews.go.com

Oscar Fingal O’Flahertie Wills Wilde, a wordsmith of note. On the anniversary of his death in 2011, his tomb was cleaned and now has a glass enclosure because visitors used to leave lipstick stains on it when paying their respects to this incredible writer. – image – abcnews.go.com

“If you cannot write well, you cannot think well; if you cannot think well, others will do your thinking for you.”

Oscar Wilde

“I am not sure that I exist, actually. I am all the writers that I have read, all the people that I have met, all the women that I have loved; all the cities I have visited.”

Jorge Luis Borges

“If you want to be a writer, you must do two things above all others: read a lot and write a lot.”

Stephen King

“The role of a writer is not to say what we can all say, but what we are unable to say.”

Anaïs Nin

Food

I’ve said this before: “I’m mean in the kitchen.” This is a spread I prepared for Christmas lunch with my family. And by the way, this is just the main course. I served garlic chicken strips with green pepper and fried pumpkin chunks for starters. I picked peaches from my mom’s trees and dessert was a delicious, homemade peach pie with custard. Who’s your girl? ;)

A spread I prepared for Christmas lunch with my family. 

“Don’t wreck a sublime chocolate experience by feeling guilty. Chocolate isn’t like premarital sex. It will not make you pregnant. And it always feels good.”

Lora Brody

“After a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one’s own relations.”

Oscar Wilde

“Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.”

Mark Twain

Relationships

I love power couples. Illuminati or not, JayZ and Beyonce are it! Patrice and Precious Motsepe have my vote on home soil. Let’s love each other but, let’s also hustle together. I’m sad that my other favourite power couple, Tokyo and Judy Sexwale, is getting a divorce. :( – image - globalgrind.com

I love power couples, and JayZ and Beyonce are it! – image – globalgrind.com

“A guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point or another, they will fall for each other…Maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever”

Dave Matthews Band

“If you love two people at the same time, choose the second. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn’t have fallen for the second.”

Johnny Depp

“Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.”

Bill Maher

‘Tata’

Back in the day, when what was discussed and planned in parliament was in the best interests of the people… Will South Africa ever have another president of Nelson Mandela’s calibre? - image - timeslive.co.za

Former Pres. Nelson Mandela. – image – timeslive.co.za

“A good head and good heart are always a formidable combination. But when you add to that a literate tongue or pen, then you have something very special.”

“It always seems impossible until it’s done.”

“We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?”

My mother

Me and my best friend; my mother.

Me and my best friend; my mother.

“Toughen up and pray. God is much bigger than anything you and I can do together.”

My mother on hard times

“But baby, can you even hear what these Rastas are saying in these songs?”

My mother on ragga and dancehall music

SIDE NOTE – Congratulations in advance to Kaizer Chiefs for becoming the Champions of the Premier Soccer League SA! Talk about RECLAIMING THE GLORY!

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