aviation

A GARDENER AND A FEW ‘UGLY’ PEOPLE ON THE DREAMCHASE

If you are getting ready for exams, if you are preparing for a presentation that could fast-track your success, if you have a demo to send to a fancy studio, if you are working on a book, if you are trying to put together a fashion show or an event, if you want to be South Africa’s next top model, if you are trying to open a shop, if you are looking for funding, if you are working towards your first million, if you want to write the State of the Nation address, if you are chasing a dream and pushing a hustle; today’s post is for you.

This dream ish doesn’t always come together overnight and the dream chase is not for the weak. Here are some people who held on and came out tops.

  • Had it not been for the encouragement of his father, Kaizer Motaung never would have gone ahead with his dream to form his own football club called Kaizer Chiefs! Khosi fans, now you know who to thank for the greatest team in the country; Mr. Ceyland Motaung…otherwise ngabe siz’thola nge-Platinum Stars.
  • Patrice Thlopane Motsepe was a schoolteacher who owned a spaza shop.
  • Like Missy Elliot, Marilyn Monroe was once told that she was not beautiful and talented enough to be famous.
  • The late Chief Justice Pius Langa used to work in a shirt factory.
  • Some idiot fired Walt Disney for lacking good ideas and an exciting imagination.
  • President Jacob Zuma was a goat-herder for crying out loud! These days, he’s out here running ish and making it rain like an American rap star.
  • Before he joined FC Barcelona, a soccer team refused to pay Lionel Andrés Messi Cuccittini’s medical bills of around R 10 000 a month and gave him a miss.
  • Reggae artist Lucky Phillip Dube was once a gardener. His death remains a sad reminder of the South African crime problem.
  • Whitney Elizabeth Houston, the woman who could draw huge crowds to sold-out venues within a couple of days, used to sing inside the empty swimming pool of her childhood home.
  • Academy Award winner Sidney Poitier was advised to try a career as a dishwasher the first time he went to an audition.
  • They said Oprah Winfrey didn’t have a face for television.
  • J.K. Rowling, the author of the Harry Potter series, used to live on a government grant.

The world is full of people who failed, people who failed a few times, people who’ve had a long stretch of failures one after the other and people who have yet to experience failure on a grand scale.  Don’t dwell too much on failure or pay attention to haters. Figure out what you need to learn from your failure and quickly move on. Stay strong.

THE THING WITH JOKES

If I need to explain this, maybe you are not old enough to be following the blog. ;) – image - vunzooke.com

If this needs to be explained to you, maybe you shouldn’t be here. – image – vunzooke.com

I’ll be honest and be the first to say that I will laugh at almost anything. I’m silly like that. And what’s worse, I’m the type of person who will milk a good joke until it’s dry and then I will put it to rest only to raise it from the dead a few weeks later. I’m not very picky either. I laugh at myself too.

I’ll take a good religious joke any day. Lately, I have particularly enjoyed jokes about our president and King Dalindyebo. I love demotivationals. I’m a sucker for the Zulu special my mother loves to tell. Sipho sees a snake in the garden and almost collapses in fear and shock. His boss says: “Don’t worry, Sipho. It’s only a snake.” Sipho screams: “No boss, ayisineki, iza ngqo.” I die every time.

Indeed it was. – image - funnymail.co.za

Indeed it was. – image – funnymail.co.za

I draw the line at HIV and rape jokes. It’s this little preference that makes me a hypocrite. What makes it okay for me to not want to hear jokes about topics dear to me when I laugh like I’m getting paid at things close to other people’s hearts? Nothing makes it okay. It’s just that…er…mh…you see…when you hear something funny, you don’t have a few seconds to dissect the content and decide if it would be appropriate to laugh, especially with those punchline that come out of nowhere. It’s human nature to immediately burst out in laughter when someone throws a good joke around, or is it? (*wonders what studies show.) And let’s be frank here, sometimes the bad jokes are killer.

Well… - image - funny-pictures.feedio.net

Well… – image – funny-pictures.feedio.net

Maybe one must try to remember the three ‘W’s’ before launching into comic banter; who, when and where. The thing with jokes is that they are only funny depending on 1. who you tell them to, 2. when you tell them and perhaps most importantly, 3. where you tell them. One certainly does not expect one’s preacher to break off into a ‘Little Johnny’ joke during the Sunday service. The president of a country can’t joke about poverty during a strike for jobs and writers for a popular men’s magazine should, most certainly, not joke about corrective rape on social networks.

… - image - epicdemotivational.com

… – image – epicdemotivational.com

To add a twist to things, I suppose I could add another ‘W’ nje for control. ‘W’ for ‘what’; what kind of impression do your jokes make about you? If you are trying to pick up a girl; making jokes about your ex, and women in general, is not the future. Telling vulgar jokes during a crucial board meeting might not be what your ‘Operation: Get That Promotion’ needs. However, telling explicit sex jokes with your partner might just be the tension-reliever your dull sex life needs. I hardly think that it’s okay to break the ice with a Muslim joke if you are looking for a job at a shop owned by people who have a sign which reads: “Closed for Mosque on Fridays between 12pm – 2pm”.

To play it safe, I think we should keep the four ‘W’s’ in our thoughts before we blurt out something that could cost us our friends, our reputations, jobs or worse, our friends and family.

ALSO READ – ARE YOU SPEWING HATE ON SOCIAL MEDIA?

DEAR TYPO

…and share with their friends. - image - weknowmemes.com

…and share with their friends. – image – weknowmemes.com

My very first open letter and it’s to you, Typo. I thought I’d never write an open letter until I had something really profound and important to say. Like a virgin, I had it all worked out in my mind that my first open letter would be something truly special, not the conventional complaint-packed variety. But here I am writing a letter to you.

Though you are a product of my own doing, I must tell you: “Tjo, uyang’khipha ebantwini shame!” Okay, sometimes I type too fast and I send without double-checking but really, must I be the butt of so many jokes because you were spotted?

Typo, the last time you cropped up on my timeline, I trended on Twitter! Surely you remember that day. Does ‘Triple HHH’ ring any bells? I thought so.

Need I say more… - image – twitter.com

Need I say more… – image – twitter.com

Like I said, I know that you are the product of my carelessness but nawe you come through offside. My friend was just saying that as he was wrapping up an important letter the other day, you showed up. The intention was to end the letter respectfully with a heartfelt ‘Regards’ but when you got into the mix of things, the result was ‘Retards’. I wonder if the person who read that letter cared to note that ‘t’ is above ‘g’ on the keyboard.

‘Spelling Nazis’ are everywhere but they are available in greater concentration on Twitter. – image – motifake.com

‘Spelling Nazis’ are everywhere but they are available in greater concentration on Twitter. – image – motifake.com

Anyway, I don’t have much time. I need to get busy checking my other work to make sure that you won’t make a guest appearance there.

Typo, I just wanted to ask you to ease up and take a seat. I’ll do what I can to keep you away from the public eye. I’ll be thorough when I proof and edit my work. I’ll read my posts twice before I click ‘send’. I’ll do all that but, I need your help: you need to lay low and let me do my thing. Please.

Regards

Ntk

P.S. I have checked this post to make sure we’re good but if you rock up here, well, imagine the irony…

WINTER WARMER PARTY – WHAT WENT DOWN

A Street Knight, in the white armor of his car, took me to BAR9 for a night of partying I will never forget! We missed a turn and ended up at the one place where lost vehicles end up: a petrol station. When the petrol attendant responded to our request for directions, we knew we were in for the mother of all parties. He said: “Hawu, kanti what’s happening at BAR9 this Friday? So many people have been asking for directions.” That’s exactly what a partygoer wants to hear; “so many people”.

ww les, thato and lee

Indeed, many people did come out to party on that mild winter night and they came with donations. The event organisers, Lerato Moagi (right) and Lesego Mokoena (left) were all over BAR9 making sure everyone was having a good time. The master of ceremonies was Thato Molamu (center), ‘Nicholas’ in Generations. He joined fellow World Changers Arts Inn Me and Cuebur Music in making the Winter Warmer Party for Charity a huge success.

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Jonny Joburg (extreme right) is no stranger to hypnotising the audience and the Winter Warmer Party for Charity was no different. He is seen here with his crew. – image – A Blog Like No Other

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Dennis Lefa Halo did his m’rapper thing like his life depended on it. – image – facebook.com

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Bassie is a beauty with a voice to match! Her soulful mix of gospel, jazz, traditional African sounds and catchy lyrics had the crowd singing along to her hit ‘Khumbul’ekhaya’. – image – facebook.com

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Bassie (right) and dance music artist Charlene Lai looked divine at the party in BAR9 in Midrand this past Friday. – image – A Blog Like No Other

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Charlene Lai’s music is bold and vibrant, just like her. – image – A Blog Like No Other

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DJ Xee is a man of many homes and his favourite addresses include Lapeng in Protea North and Big Mama’s Lounge in Mapetla. – image – facebook.com

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Dj Xee and Dj Lady Lisa hanging out before their sets at BAR9. – image – A Blog Like No Other

World Changers still needs your help to sort and distribute the donations.

On Saturday 8 June, World Changers will meet in Rockville, Soweto to sort the donations. A week later on 15 June, donations will be distributed in Soweto. Donations will be delivered in Ivory Park, near Tembisa on 22 June. World Changers can’t do all this work alone and they need people to lend a hand on any of these Saturdays. For more details, the World Changers are on Twitter and Facebook. You can also email worldchangers017@gmail.com

SHIRLEY BROWN DIDN’T TELL THE WHOLE STORY ABOUT BARBARA

Ladies, I want us to discuss that Shirley Brown, ‘Woman-to-Woman’ phone call for a little bit.

So, you went through his pants and found this phone number on a piece of paper in one of his pockets. Or maybe, he passed out and you seized the opportunity to go through his phone. Now you are stuck with Barbara’s phone number, a broken heart and anger for days. What next?

Well, ‘Sis Dolly’ can tell you what to do. I’m here to offer you what not to do. I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, in the song, Shirley Brown is the only one who does the talking. For many years this song led many to believe that ‘Barbara’ is just sitting quietly on the other end listening to Shirley go on and on about what she’s bought this man and “how much she will do to keep him”. Brandy and Monica didn’t help things either with that ‘The Boy is Mine’ track.

Just enjoy the music by Brandy and Monica but, don’t make that call. Never call the other woman! – image - thefader.com

Just enjoy the music by Brandy and Monica but, don’t make that call. Never call the other woman! – image – thefader.com

In 2013, ‘Barbara’ doesn’t have time for that and she will let you know. The best advice I can give you is this; DO NOT CALL THAT NUMBER! The thing is, speaking to ‘Barbara’ won’t change the possibility that your man is seeking pleasure elsewhere. There is something in your relationship that you and your man need to talk about and find a way to resolve before you infect each other with all manner of diseases.

Calling ‘Barbara’ will achieve little if anything at all. Few women have left a man simply because they got a call from another woman telling them to do so.

Sometimes ‘Barbara’ thinks she’s wifey. When you call her, her first thought is: “Thabo has gone and brought his mistress into this.” Next thing you know, the two of you are telling each other what Thabo has done to show his loyalty to each of you. “He proposed last week.” “I met his mother.” Oh, the silliness!

Shirley Brown doesn’t give ‘Barbara’ a chance to talk in the song ‘Woman to Woman’. – image - soul11music.blogspot.com

Shirley Brown doesn’t give ‘Barbara’ a chance to talk in the song ‘Woman to Woman’. – image – soul11music.blogspot.com

Also, what if Shirley got it wrong? Let’s think about this for a second. What if the phone number that Shirley Brown found in her man’s pants was the number for the girl whose car he’s fixing? I say that because I’ve had a mechanic’s woman call me to tell me to stay away from her man . When you tell a woman that she has the wrong end of the stick, she flares up even more. I explained to her that it would be very hard for me to stay away from her man seeing as he had my car and still needed to fix the gearbox mounting on it.

‘Barbara’ could also be a man-eater who really couldn’t care less that Thabo is married as long as he is paying her rent and bills, she’s cool. The fact that you have been Thabo’s girlfriend or wife for the past six years just won’t move her. She’s not in it for anyone’s emotions, not hers, not Thabo’s and definitely not yours.

Sometimes ‘Barbara’ is only too happy to hear about your insecurities, and your outburst will entertain her and her friends for days. Sad, brutal but it’s been done.

Lastly, these days there’s also a little thing called the law. If you keep calling ‘Barbara’, she has every right to report you for harrassment. Remember that harrassment law that came into effect a few weeks ago on Freedom Day? Well, that law says ‘Barbara’ can report you and if you persist, you will pay a fine or be jailed.

I wish I could offer you words to make you feel better and give you faith in your relationship after your unpleasant discovery. It’s not easy coming to terms with the idea that your lover might have eyes for another. Believe this though, what you need to hear won’t come from me or ‘Barbara’, you need to sit down and have a word with Thabo.

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