IF YOU ARE UNDER 18 YEARS OF AGE, YOU SHOULD GIVE TODAY’S POST A MISS.

Before I even started writing this blog post, I could already hear some peeps going: “You know the world is coming to an end when women start swapping real men for plastic willies.” Well, it’s not really about swapping anything, at least none of the dildo owners I spoke to while doing research for this piece said they were giving up on the real deal and letting plastic take over. It’s more like a supplement, if anything, so they said. However, a few of the men I came across felt that by virtue of its design, the dildo is indeed the biggest reason that women can stay single for extended periods.

It's a personal massager. - image - memebase.cheezburger.com

It’s a personal massager. – image – memebase.cheezburger.com

I spoke to some people about sex toys and what interesting conversations I had! In my crazy little world and indeed outside of it, the Dildo Revolution is alive and well and this is what it looks like on the ground level:

The pet "unicorn". - image - flickr.com

The pet “unicorn”. – image – flickr.com

What the men said, in their own words:

  • Uya bona those things, THOSE THINGS (in a raised and disgusted voice), are evil. The Creator did not put us on this earth so we could come up with such.
  • Do you have one?
  • A woman who knows about sex toys is a slut.
  • If I caught my girl in action with a dildo, I’d join in the fun.
  • If she buys a dildo that is bigger than me, it means she’s not happy with my stuff.
  • Women are sly. They say there is nothing wrong with dildos but the way they hide their toys! When you hide something, it means there is something wrong with it. *Then he shook his head for effect.
  • Sister, those are Babylon tings. A Queen afi be wit a King, Rasta know nuttin ‘bout dem pum-pum toys. FIRE BURN!
  • Ayaphapha ama-cherry, that’s why kuyibo abahamba phambili kelezinto zama-sex toy. *I collapsed. 
  • She can buy an entire sex shop as long as she’s not cheating.
  • Girls be out here acting like virgins kanti they are busy stuffing themselves senseless behind closed doors. *said with a face like he just smelled a fart.
  • I wudn’t require ma gal to hav it cuz it feels she’d b replacin my shaft and perhaps not satisfied wit how i do it. At tyms may not wana hav sex, given the fact that she jst pleased herself sumtym before i got home.
Fetch, Bruno, fetch. - image - demotivationalposters.org

Fetch, Bruno, fetch. – image – demotivationalposters.org

What the women said, in their own words:

  • I want one but I’m too shy to go inside adult shops.
  • *She giggles, raises four fingers and then she says: “Different sizes.”
  • The girls gave me one on my birthday but I only started using it when they gave my Sipho double shifts at work.
  • I don’t like fake things.
  • My boyfriend bought me one when he went to the States for 3 months.
  • I don’t know about dildos and vibrators but I once went to this shop and they had these vibrating panties I wanted to try but they were expensive.
  • I have children and they go everywhere and touch everything in the house. Ngizothini uma bethi: “Mommy, what’s this?”
  • My friend has one and she promised me she’ll go with me and help me choose one.
  • No.
Agh shame. - image - owned.com

Agh shame. – image – owned.com

Not everyone possesses adult sex gadgets but I can tell you this much; everyone has an opinion about them. It was interesting to see that more women than I previously thought are activists in the Dildo Revolution. Once again, thank you to everyone who shared their opinion.